In college, one of my new best friends had been recently hospitalized for complications related to her anorexia. Instantly I was jealous of her for having the will power to not eat. (I know, it was insane). My dabble in anorexia was short-lived, and only took me to a slightly underweight level. And then I discovered my love of food and vodka.
But this new friend, she was so GOOD at it. I resented her for it. I fancied myself "recovered" but that was a sham. I think my constant focusing on what she ate actually helped her in the long run. Your average Anorexic doesn't typically want others to notice her eating habits. She wants you to think she eats like a bird naturally. She wants you to see that she didn't clear her plate, but she doesn't want you to observe her scraping up the last bits of blue cheese dressing and licking it clean. I think the "I know what you're doing" eyes I gave her did help her after all.
She's very strong and healthy now. And we're still great friends. I don't think she ever knew that I was jealous of her eating disorder though. It probably wouldn't have helped her back then.
Sometimes now, I wish I had the "will power" to avoid food. Instead, I usually have a snack.
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